Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
