The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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