3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
