I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
