my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
