Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
