I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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