If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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