it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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