Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
