You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
