Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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