i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
