found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
