I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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