Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
