seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
