Cold hands, warm shart.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
