she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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