Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
not ubering you a puppy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
