why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
