Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
