Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
