That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
