Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
