PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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