for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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