official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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