i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
