I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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