Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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