well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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