so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
