Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
