Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
