he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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