she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
