apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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