she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
