I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drake has all the answers
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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