Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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