wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
