I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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