she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
