Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i dont even know how to be here
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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