I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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