we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The air was thick with penises
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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