i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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