trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Randomize
