I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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