Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
