i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
