that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
