mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
